"There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One is roots; the other, wings."

How easily these words roll off the tongue. We repeat them with a smile and a nod, as well as with hope that the time, effort and love put into giving children roots will insure they have the foundation and independence to move away from us when it is time.

Giving our children wings usually begins when the child begins school --- as much a transition for the parent as for the child. Each phase of school brings with it a little more independence for the child until, far too quickly, the child is grown and out into the world to make his or her own way.

Mothers and fathers know that at some point they have to let go of their control, their dreams and their expectations for their children. It is a complicated process, joyous and confusing and painful.

It is also a sacred process. Just as a parent turns to God countless times through the years with the struggles and delights of parenting, giving wings to a child requires faith that the God we have petitioned, praised and thanked will follow our child as he or she moves out into the world. It requires a deep trust and belief in God --- a belief in all we know about God's goodness.

Wise parents are supposed to be ready for their children to move on to the next phase of life, but who among us is always wise? In our private moments we are sometimes afraid: Will our children stay connected to our family? Will they embrace our family values? Will they be successful?

As my youngest son drove away a few weeks ago to begin his first job back in the city where he attended college, my heart was heavy. I did not want him to leave even though I knew to the core of my being that it was right for him to go and that it was time for him to go. He is a young man ready to forge his own way, yet I was not quite ready for the transition.

My sister is delivering her son to college in Colorado this week. They live in the Netherlands. What if he gets sick? Or homesick? She can't jump on a plane and attend parent's weekend or put cookies in the mail.

There are plenty of books on pregnancy, on early childhood years and on teenage years, but very little on being the parent of an adult child. Maybe the books we have read and discussed on finding God in our lives and how to listen to what God is asking are the very books we need to turn to now.

Scripture tells us that Wisdom is "readily perceived by those who love her and found by those who seek her." And, it tells us that if we "watch for her at dawn, we will not be disappointed because we will find her sitting by the gate."

Anne Hansen is a member of the Camarillo Catholic community. Her e-mail address is familymail@aol.com.