After a long day's work on a recent Friday night, 13 single men gathered for a light dinner and a lot of discernment at the vocations study group meeting held monthly at the St. Monica Church pastoral center in Santa Monica.

Led by archdiocesan vocations director Father Jim Forsen and St. Monica parishioner Philip Tirone, the year-old group's purpose is to help men decide for themselves if they have a vocation to the priesthood.

"This is not a priest recruiting group. This is: 'We want to help you discern what God's will is for your life.' Big, big difference," said Tirone, 35, a mortgage broker, happily married husband of two years and a new dad who, himself, once struggled to decide if he was called to be a priest.

Vocational journey
After graduating from Arizona State University in 1994 with a degree in real estate, Tirone returned to his roots in Southern California where he had grown up in Victorville. Tirone had become a Catholic at age 17 following his divorced dad's reconversion to the faith and his parents' subsequent remarriage.

"It was super exciting. My family was back together," said Tirone. The summer before going off to college, he started going to daily Mass and was active at Arizona State University's Newman Club.

After relocating to Los Angeles in 1997 where he began to build his mortgage broker business, Tirone volunteered as an altar server for the 6:30 a.m. Mass at St. Monica's, since the parish couldn't recruit any young people to serve at that hour of the morning. "I loved being on the altar," said Tirone, who also lectored at the Sunday 7:30 a.m. Mass and ended his morning's ministry by taking Communion to the sick.

He entered into formal discernment for the priesthood in 2001, attending archdiocesan vocations retreats and "Come and See" weekends at St. John's Seminary. "I discerned for a long time personally whether I should be a priest," said Tirone.

When Father Ben Le, St. Monica associate pastor (now administrator at St. Martin of Tours), approached him in the spring of 2006 for ideas about forming a vocations discernment group, Tirone emphasized the need for a concrete plan for people to follow, since he personally had felt so "unsettled" while he was trying to figure out if he had a priestly vocation.

"We started interviewing priests and seminarians," explained Tirone, "asking them, 'What were the key aspects that you did during your pre-seminary days that either moved you closer to the seminary or took you away from it?' And we basically came up with five phases in the vocational journey process: 'Serving Others,' 'Vocation Thoughts,' 'Informal Inquiry,' 'Spiritual Formation' and 'Formal Discernment.'

"The vocational journey starts with a passion to serve. So, if somebody is open to whatever God wants in his life, [they're welcome] to come to the group," said Tirone, who added that people in Phase One usually never thought about the priesthood but typically enjoy serving others.

Group members must commit themselves to monthly First Friday meetings for at least a year and do the assigned reading/writing/viewing homework. Phase One also encourages participants to join a parish ministry if they haven't already. Those advancing to Phase Two notice their passion for serving others is increasing and thoughts of a priestly vocation keep returning.

Phase Three, according to Tirone, is when participants start communicating that they "may" be interested in the priesthood. One member of the group got to Phase Three and realized that the priesthood wasn't for him.

"For me, it was so exciting to hear that, because that's never what I felt. It's always easy to err on the choice of what everyone else is doing," said Tirone.

"We want to create a group of people who will be pastors for the next generation, leaders in the Catholic Church. That's why we're committed to saying, 'Hey, you need to follow these rules. If you don't follow the rules, you're not a good fit for the group.… We are getting tremendous results."

The group initially began with a core group of three or four men.

"I'm convinced with what I've seen in the last year, if we can create a program that's duplicatable [with monthly discernment meetings in each region] we can really turn the tables on what's going on with vocations," said Tirone.

Since 2003, an average of five men a year have been ordained priests for the archdiocese. Currently, five men in the St. Monica vocations group have indicated they intend to apply to either St. John's Seminary or a religious order seminary.

Tirone, who has attended every meeting from the group's inception, says the experience has been a blessing. "The healing process that I've gone through by working on this has been just unbelievable," said Tirone. "Now I really see what I am supposed to do": mentor men through the discernment process.

One step at a time
Father Forsen, as clergy moderator, says the group's clearly defined discernment model "adds structure" to the priesthood inquiry process. "It helps [participants] see this is where you need to be and what you need to do," said Father Forsen, who added he wished similar groups could be set up in each of the archdiocese's five pastoral regions.

"This group is about a community of men who walk together one step at a time," said Gregorio Hidalgo, 34, a sixth grade teacher who works in Compton. After reconnecting with his Catholic faith three years ago and trying to discern if he was being called to the priesthood, Hidalgo was directed by Father Forsen to the vocations study group.

"I met a group of guys who think and feel and fear as I do," said Hidalgo, who plans to apply to St. John's Seminary next year. "I learned to see my vocation as a gift that I [can] nurture one day at a time. It calmed me down. I love it."

"Personally, I think this program is brilliant. It's organized, non-threatening and well thought out," said a 44-year-old film art director who wants to remain anonymous since he hasn't told family members and friends yet about his vocational discernment journey.

Arthur Fitzmaurice, 26, a Cal Tech graduate student in neuroscience who joined the group six months ago, says he appreciates the fellowship of like-minded men who are thinking about a priestly vocation. Interviewed via cell phone while waiting to take a plane to visit the Notre Dame Seminary in Indiana, Fitzmaurice is considering joining a religious order with a teaching charism. He wants to combine his two passions for the priesthood and science and hopes to continue his medical research on Parkinson's disease.

"We're the lost generation," said Fitzmaurice, who explained that churches, if they minister to young adult singles, focus on "relationship" ministries to help people find mates. "[Church ministers] are starting to recognize that some of us can become priests," said Fitzmaurice, who added the study group's members are challenged to boldly invite their peers to consider the priesthood.

Jeremiah Riley, 23, a retail store manager and newest member of the group who has thought about becoming a priest since age 19, said the insights gained from clergy and married leaders in the group are very helpful.

"A lot of men are turned off to the priesthood because they think it's too much of a sacrifice," said Riley, who added many priests he has met feel just the opposite --- that their lives are richly blessed.

Having a married man present for the discussions on celibacy provides a useful perspective, adds Tirone. Since marrying and having children (he has a 10-month-old and his wife is pregnant) he realizes his vocation is also a call to self-sacrificing love practiced within the bonds of marriage. "It's a different kind of sacrifice, so we talk about that," said Tirone.

He's thrilled how members have benefited from the group's structure requiring commitment and discipline. Participants are encouraged to take a private oath of celibacy --- no girlfriends --- during this period of discernment.

"There's discipline," said Tirone, "because we're calling people out to be great, to be the best they can be."

For more information on the vocations discernment group held at St. Monica's Church, 725 California Ave., Santa Monica, visit its website, www.VocationalJourney.com. Readers may also call Phil Tirone at (310) 453-1901 or Father Jim Forsen at the archdiocesan vocations office, (213) 637-7515.