"Well, how's your new pet rabbit?" a member of the extended family asked the 3-year-old at a recent gathering.

Imitating a grown-up's serious face, the preschooler paused for a moment to solemnly announce, "Floppy died," and then was off to play with her cousins.

"It's pretty clear," her mom said, "she doesn't get what death really means."

But then, who does? We don't really get it. Not this side of heaven.

New parents fumble for an answer to "Why death?" because all humans fumble with that question. Knowing the theology (through humans sin entered the world; Christ redeemed us and death no longer reigns) doesn't mean we understand what happens. Or how it happens. Or, in satisfying detail, what comes next.

That's not to say children, even youngsters, shouldn't consider death. Many of us at our mother's knee learned to ask of Mary, "Pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen." Over time, those words sink in. They take on meaning. They bring comfort.

And many of us fortunate enough to be raised in the church grew up with a day set aside for all saints (Nov. 1), and a day set aside for all souls (Nov. 2), for the departed, including our own family and friends, not yet in heaven.

How to talk to your children about death?

As with other topics (such as nutrition or safety or honesty), the discussion has to be adapted to meet age-appropriate needs and thinking abilities.

Here, for example, are two basic questions and suggested answers for younger children from Bill Dodds' "Your Grieving Child" (Our Sunday Visitor):

"Why did she have to die?"

Answer: Death is a part of life. It's the end of life on earth. Some people die when they're very young and some die when they're very old. Sometimes a person's body just wears out after a long, long time, and sometimes a person's body gets sick or gets hurt or has something wrong with it and it just can't keep going.

We never know how long someone will live but when she does die, we feel very sad. It's like she went on a trip and she left us behind. We love her very much and so we miss her very much.

We wish it didn't have to be this way. We wish she could still be with us. But we know it is this way. And that's hard.

"Where is she now? What comes after death?"

Answer: Each of us -- including you -- is made up of a body and a soul. We can see our bodies. We can feel them. But we can't see our souls. We can't feel them. When we die, our souls leave our bodies. Our bodies stay here and our souls go to God.

Her body is here. We can still see it. But her soul has gone. Now it can see God face to face or it's still getting ready to see God face to face. Her soul must be pretty excited and happy. She gets to see the one who created her!

--- CNS