College dormitories will begin opening up soon to welcome new students who face all sorts of decisions --- for which, according to the Wall Street Journal, a growing number of students are not equipped to make for themselves because they have had parents, in most cases mothers, who were over-involved throughout their school years.

We all know the type (maybe some of us are the type): they monitor every homework assignment, fret over every exam, and step in to solve social and academic problems. A certain measure of that is fine. But when parents refer to "our exam" or "our project," or (in the case of the college-bound student) "getting our things" together so "we" can move into the dorm, it's clear that boundaries have been exceeded.

A term has emerged at many colleges and universities: "helicopter parent," the parent who hovers and swoops in to offer assistance with every problem. Rather than teach independence and responsibility, it teaches that mom or dad will fix everything --- which can't happen forever.

For parents, striking a balance in being part of a college student's life is like a dance: knowing when to follow and when to lead. And some students need more attention, guidance and contact with parents when they are away at school, while others do just fine on their own.

I have lived through both experiences. One child was heading for school hundreds of miles away and I was certain there would be separation issues (one of his high school counselors warned me about it). The issues never emerged and he emerged from his four university years with a confidence that is with him today. Another child, outwardly confident and ready to fly the nest, wrestled with things that ultimately drove her away from the school.

There are times when the lure of freedom is so strong that even the best students allow their judgment to be clouded. We all hope that our children will enter college with clear heads and mature attitudes, but many do not. (Did you?) The transition from high school, living under with family, to a college dorm, living with strangers with little or no supervision, is monumental.

What to do, then? Certainly, stay in touch with a child who is away at school. If you sense a problem or the child tells you there is one, it is not out of bounds to contact the school administration. There may even be times when a parent has to jump in the car or onto an airplane to be there in person. Raising five children and being connected with a number of universities, I have done both and not regretted it.

But keep in mind that the role of college is to educate and prepare students for life --- and that institutions have programs and people in place that can help students over some of the hurdles that college life presents. So, yes, pay attention to your college student children --- but don't smother them or live your life through them. Maintain your rules when they are home and remind them of society's rules on drugs and alcohol, wherever they may be. If problems occur, face them and get help.

Anne Hansen is a member of the Camarillo Catholic community. Her e-mail address is familymail@aol.com.