While going through my late mother-in-law's things, I came across a newspaper article written about my two oldest daughters when they were students at La Reina High School. The article brought tears to my eyes; it was yellowed but carefully folded, obviously treasured by the girls' grandmother.
As I read it a flood of memories returned, but I also saw something previously unnoticed. The article was preceded with a passage from the poem, Goblin Market, composed in 1859 by Christina Rossetti:
For there is no friend like a sister
In calm or stormy weather;
To cheer one on the tedious way,
To fetch one if one goes astray.
To lift one if one totters down,
To strengthen whilst one stands.
Reading the words and looking at the newspaper photo of my daughters, so young --- 16 and 17 --- I smiled that ironic smile only a mother would understand. In those days there was as much bickering as there was support, which is of course typical of teenage girls. Today it is a different story. They both have husbands and babies and share their experiences in a way never imagined when they were in high school. The passage from the poem seems even more apropos today than when the article was written.
I also thought of my sister. We had our "moments" growing up as well. Now she lives abroad and while we talk often we have not seen each other regularly over the past few years. This year has been different. We went to her daughter's wedding and she came to our home in California early in the summer for a bit of rest and relaxation.
Just a few weeks ago we met in Italy as I visited my son who was studying in Florence for the summer. We had a great time just walking the city and talking --- hashing over every issue from family matters to church matters with an occasional discussion of politics thrown in for balance. Over the years, especially the past few, we have cheered each other on, lifted each other up and definitely strengthened each other. It was good to connect with her and to have my youngest son get to know her better.
Many women share this experience of sisterhood. This past week I have seen some amazing examples of sisters supporting and caring for their sisters.
When Jackie's sister's husband died a number of years ago, she came to town for a visit and ended up staying, living with Jackie and her husband. Last month she became very ill. Jackie's home is now a place dedicated to care-giving for her sister, keeping her comfortable and connected to her friends.
There was never a question that things would be any different. Jackie is one of those women who are always looking out for the needs of others.
Another sister recently moved to the area from New Orleans. She is a survivor of Hurricane Katrina and lost her husband in the storm. Together, these sisters are definitely lifting their other sister as she totters, just as the poem says that sisters do.
Another example of amazing sisterhood was finalized this past week as Betty's sister was laid to rest with a beautiful memorial Mass and burial. Betty took care of her sister for 10 years as she moved deeper and deeper into Alzheimer's disease. It was only over the past few months that Betty's sister was moved to a place that could take care of her special needs.
Prior to this, Betty had been her sole caregiver while also helping out at the church with anything that needed doing and creating wonderful meals for the pastor. But then, Betty has been and continues to be an extraordinary model of womanhood and sisterhood. Her care-giving took place over the years when both she and her sister passed from their eighties into their nineties, which makes most of the rest of us view her with awe, hoping that in the future we have the capacity to be as kind and full as energy as she is.
There truly is no friend like a sister. A sister knows your history; there is no need to explain to her the "family situation." It is a comfortable relationship that in many cases finds sisters finishing each other's sentences and carrying on conversations that anyone watching and listening would wonder, "Where are the verbs and nouns?"
But sisters have that special understanding --- an understanding that is difficult to describe but wonderful to live. Anne Hansen is a parent education consultant and a parishioner at Blessed Junípero Serra Church, Camarillo. Her e-mail address is familymail@aol.com.
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