Here's a dilemma not just for young adults but for any Christian passing a homeless man on the street: What's the right thing to do? If he reeks of alcohol and stares at you cross-eyed, do you still give him a buck? Or is that enabling his addiction?

I threw out that question to my readers of Beyond Blue (my blog on Beliefnet.com) and I discussed it on the Catholic Channel of Sirius radio, inviting people to call in with their opinions.

Some listeners said that it is not our right to judge a person's intentions. We give out of generosity and kindness and, if those we give to buy drugs or alcohol our gift, it's on their conscience. It's between them and God. We have done the right thing.

Others said that, after being taken advantage of numerous times, they have decided to give only to organizations --- non-profits known to be good stewards of donations.

But there was a third group that came up with creative solutions to the problem. One man said he and his wife tithe five percent to their church. They then tithe another five percent to persons who are working very hard for cash. They will tip waiters two or three times the average amount (50-to-60 percent) to reward their work. Another woman said that she walks around giving away coupons from McDonalds or Whole Foods.

The bigger problem for me in all this is that I find the line between enabling/codependency and generosity/compassion to be very thin and tenuous.

A few summers ago I met a woman at a bookstore who needed extra cash, so I hired her daughter to be a mother's helper. (My son David was just a baby.) But it ended up a raw deal for me. I got to baby sit the clerk's daughter. She was unable to assist with any caretaking of David, and I paid the clerk five bucks an hour to take care of her daughter.

If this were an isolated event, I could chock it up as a bad experience. But I consistently get myself into these messes in an attempt to be compassionate, to be the Good Samaritan in Luke's Gospel. When two guys knock on my door trying to sell me a subscription of Parenting magazine for three times the cost of the cover price, I have difficulty saying no. They look at me with droopy, puppy-dog eyes while telling me that they aspire to have the good life that I have.

"It's a scam!" my husband Eric says, telling the solicitors to get lost with absolutely no guilt. But Eric wasn't raised by the Sisters of Charity; he's not afraid of being the self-absorbed Levite in the parable of the Good Samaritan. I, on the other hand, have a bit of baggage in this area.

I used to be able to give generously, asking nothing in return. But then I built some boundaries. Today I give when it feels good and right. If a woman who is high as a kite begs me for three bucks because she has just had a bad accident and my gut says that she is being less than contrite, I spend the money on coffee instead.

Although I want to be the Good Samaritan as often as possible, I also want to be sincere --- and sincerity and enabling/codependency don't mix well.

Therese J. Borchard is a columnist with Catholic News Service.