Homosexuality is an uncomfortable topic for many of us. We shy away from it or reduce conversations about it to jokes. We are not sure what questions are appropriate. We wonder about the teachings of the Church and sometimes base our judgments on erroneous information.
My brother, now deceased, was gay. I remember well wanting to understand him but being afraid to talk to him directly about his life. In retrospect, that was a mistake because it meant I was denying a part of who he was. He was a good man, loved by family and friends and deserved to be accepted for who he was in every aspect.
The U.S. Bishops, at their annual fall meeting, released a statement entitled, Ministry to Persons with a Homosexual Inclination: Guidelines for Pastoral Care. It is written specifically for those who minister to homosexuals but offers guidance to every minister and person of faith.
The bishops begin by affirming the dignity and value of every human person as being created in the image and likeness of God. They call all people, especially those ministering in the name of the Church, to look into their hearts and discern which thoughts or feelings might need changing. And they challenge pastors to condemn the ridicule of homosexual persons, whenever and however it occurs.
The document, with careful citations of Canon Law, clearly states Church teaching on sexuality. It is a gift, given by God to be shared between a man and a woman within the bonds of marriage for the purpose of sharing love and the procreation of children. Any other sexual behavior is considered disordered and morally wrong.
But, the bishops make clear, it is the homosexual act that is disordered, not the person. In great detail they explain that the homosexual inclination is not a sin, nor does the Catholic Church reject homosexual people.
The bishops encourage a welcoming attitude on the part of the community and urge that Church policies explicitly reject discrimination of homosexual persons (though they suggest that public disclosures of sexual orientation be discouraged). They do not support the adoption of children by same-sex couples but do not refuse the sacrament of baptism to these children.
Support groups for family members who have concerns are encouraged, as is mutual respect and continued dialogue in hopes of a better understanding of Church teaching.
Family reactions
I spoke with people who have been involved in parish gay and lesbian support groups. Their responses to the bishops' statement were honest, thoughtful and represent the struggle taking place within the Church and within families.
---One mother, active in her parish community, said she has to ignore statements from the Church about homosexuality or it would make her crazy. She loves her son, stresses that he is a good man, educated, accomplished and working to make the world a better place. She does not see that homosexuality can be wrong because God made her son, and she knows that his homosexuality is not a choice but rather part of who he is and has been his whole life.
---Another mother, involved in aseveral parish programs, said she is hurt and angered by the tone of the document. She feels there is too much emphasis on the sexual act and not enough on the human relationships. Her daughter is living in a loving, committed relationship and raising a child who has been baptized Catholic and is happily connected to the Church. The mother believes the issue of homosexuality should be set aside for further study while the bishops ask for prayers for priestly vocations and volunteers to work on social justice issues --- war, hunger, homelessness, AIDS and other world problems.
---Typical of many responses, a mother of four with a master's degree in Theology (and a high school religion teacher) says she did not want to hear about this document; it made her weary and she cried when she read it. Her brother is gay, and while she understands the position of the bishops in offering pastoral care she is deeply saddened by what she views as mixed messages of love and rejection all in the same breath. She sees her brother and many other homosexual people as deeply rooted in the Catholic values in which they were raised, people who continue to practice despite being distanced from the institution.
The Catholic Church is important to every person interviewed for this article. Their statements were not anti-Catholic or derogatory towards the leadership of the Church. They all expressed sadness, confusion as well as hope for dialogue to lead to change.
Catholic ethicist Margaret Farley writes about "the grace of self-doubt --- a grace that is accessible to those who struggle for understanding those who have come to see things differently from what was once seen." She says that this grace "allows us to listen to the experience of others, take seriously reasons that are alternatives to our own, rethink our own last word."
This grace belongs to every member of the Church. Now might be a good time to call upon the Holy Spirit to grant us its blessing.
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