When I was a kid, I wasn't a very good athlete. I always dreaded the events in gym class when we would be graded on our performance. The cross-country run was the worst. We would run for three quarters of a mile and would be graded based on our time. It was humiliating to be in the back of the class, straggling in. I just prayed that I wouldn't be last.

I never wanted to be last at anything --- at school, at work, even at church. I have always wanted to be very good at what I do, and I have always wanted to have my skills and experience recognized. I try and avoid things I am not good at, and try to excel at things I am good at.

In today's Gospel reading, Jesus has troubling words for people like me. His disciples, it seems, had started to compete with one another as Jesus' favorite. "They had been discussing among themselves on the way who was the greatest," we're told. Jesus calls them together and says, "If anyone wishes to be first, he shall be the last of all and the servant of all."

Like I said, I don't want to be last at anything. Nothing in our society or culture rewards this kind of attitude. We celebrate greatness. We celebrate success. We celebrate the person or team or candidate who comes in first. We celebrate winners.

Jesus says that greatness in his kingdom does not belong to the winners as defined by our society. Greatness belongs to the servants --- those who make themselves last and put others' needs before their own. Spiritual greatness is not measured by salaries, job titles, material goods or heroic accomplishments --- unless those heroic accomplishments are acts of service.

Our culture holds up the CEOs, the athletes, the movie stars --- the wealthy and powerful --- as "great" people. Every day far greater men and women feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and tend to the sick and suffering who cannot fend for themselves.

I know from experience that the greatness that our society offers is false, but I find that I seek it nonetheless. The lures of financial security and of approval or even admiration of my peers often overcome my conviction that it is more blessed to give than to receive. I am the loser for it when I choose this path.

I am the one who experiences the very thing I want to avoid --- being last --- by looking for greatness in the wrong places. I may attain financial security and the respect and admiration of my friends and colleagues, but I am missing out on something far better --- the experience of the unconditional love of God.

The good news is that the greatness Jesus offers is always available. All we have to do is let go of our futile ambition to be elevated above our brothers and sisters. Rather than compete with others to win some kind of grade or prize, we might instead help others gain ground in the race of life.

By putting ourselves in last place, we just might experience what it's like to be a real winner after all.

Bill Peatman writes from Napa.