"Keep your eyes open, for you know not the day or the hour" (Mt. 25:13).

We tend to live in a shadowy denial of this reality. You could argue, this is how it should be, for how can we live full, happy lives if we are consumed with death? On the other hand, how wise is it to live as if there is no end to life on earth? Over the past few weeks this passage has been particularly relevant.

A friend called to postpone her son's graduation party because her father-in-law died from injuries sustained in an accident. He was in the hospital and appeared to be recovering. The family was over the initial shock of the accident, resuming plans when they got word he was gravely ill. The unexpectedness of his death has left them numb.

An e-mail acquaintance who has kept me up on the progress of his daughter's illness reported she had died. It was not unexpected; the daughter had been ill for some time. My acquaintance's last e-mail before she took a turn for the worse was filled with faith and admiration for his daughter and the care her husband was giving her. When he sent the message of her death the subject line read, "Joan is with Michael," referring to her son who preceded her in death by three years due to a heart attack; he was 16.

This man, who has lost a grandson and now a daughter, admitted to being mad at God, but in the same sentence shared that he still turned to God, "praying all over again." He completed his message saying that the responses he received during the difficult time of his daughter's illness should be printed in a book of faith.

A few days ago, my daughter called to say a friend died --- a young man, 33, from Croatia, living in Italy completing a Ph.D. He was a childhood friend of my son-in-law and while vacationing in Italy recently they met for a long afternoon visit in a favorite piazza. Theirs was a chance meeting, which made it all the more special. They took pictures and made plans to meet again. The young man's life was full of promise. His studies were nearly done and he had a nice girlfriend. He died of a heart attack, alone in his apartment, while eating lunch.

The initial reaction to these stories is shock and sadness, followed by (for many of us) prayer for the deceased and the surviving family. Eventually, sometimes very quickly, the questions begin: Why? Why do these things happen? Answers are impossible.

Hearing these sad stories, however, causes us to recognize that focusing on the goodness and grace of life is an immediate task. There are times, perhaps more than most of us admit, that plans, schedules and all the "shoulds" of life can be set aside.

We live in a very task- and goal-oriented part of the world. The more work we can get done or revenue we generate or programs we initiate, the better people we are, or so we are often led to believe. "Busy" can be equated with "successful." We do it at home, at work and in parish life.

At home, we sometimes overlook the beauty of our back gardens in favor of cleaning the garage or finishing the laundry. We view our kitchens as sub-standard or our furniture as out-of-date --- but does it really make a difference in our quality of the lives?

At work we compete for more sales, recognition or favor. We sometimes choose the extra meeting or project over the soccer game or birthday party. And while there are times this is necessary for career survival it is not always the case.

Parish life can become a game of numbers. The more ministries claimed can be seen as success. A bigger building or a renovated worship space, while wonderful, does not mean a parish committed to social justice, outreach and spiritual growth.

Occasionally it is wise to slow down and take a look at the bigger picture of life and if appropriate, make changes.

Anne Hansen is a parent education consultant and a parishioner at Blessed Junípero Serra Church, Camarillo. Her e-mail address is familymail@aol.com.