Grief is magnified with a sudden death. Family members have no time for goodbyes and little time to adjust to the reality of their loss. I know; I've been there.
Inconsolable, I stood at my brother's bedside in the intensive care unit touching his warm hand following a sudden hemorrhage in his brain. Intravenous fluids dripped into him. A monitor proved he had a heartbeat. Only 51 years old, a respirator accounted for his every breath.
My professional training as a nurse prepared me up to a certain point, but grief had overcome me no less than it does others. As I cried, I thought, "At any given moment all earthly life will cease from Robert."
We had never discussed organ donation. Yet, as if in Robert's own voice, came the message: "Donate my organs." As I studied the monitor, Robert's blood pressure dropped significantly. Shortly after, a doctor informed us that brain death had occurred.
And it was shortly after that when we realized that one reason there is an alarming shortage of organ and tissue donations is because those who can speak for the potential donor are given little or no support from a true professional grief counselor.
More hospitals need to invest into providing specially trained professional grief counselors. That means they need to put special emphasis on first aiding the grieving family to work through the shock of a sudden and unexpected death, before initiating a request for organ and tissue donation.
Family members of potential donors might be those rushing in from a soccer game, the office, a party, or from home. Their prayers are focused on saving the loved one's life. Those focused eyes become glazed and confused as life slips from their loved one. Health care officials work to save lives, but a very real part of their work includes issues associated with dying.
Following my brother's brain death, I asked, "What does it take in this hospital to donate organs?" The doctor smiled, but he was probably as nervous as we were. Filled with grief as we were, his smile did not bring much comfort.
Donating an organ is called an "anatomical gift." The Catechism of the Catholic Church, n. 2301, states, "The free gift of organs after death is legitimate and can be meritorious." But organ donation is to be considered only when the patient is pronounced brain dead. The patient cannot be an organ donor once the heart stops beating.
Because the heart is still beating, the donor continues to exhibit signs of life during the donation process. The donor's skin is warm to touch. The donor is still provided with oxygen and intravenous fluids to keep the donor's organs and tissues viable for transplant. These visible signs of life can make the organ donation process painful for family members; this is where a trained counselor can help.
It also is critical that medical care facilities be aware of cultural traditions and religious convictions which play a part in forming personal values and making decisions. Since we were Native Americans, the hospital staff had decided not to ask our family if we would consider Robert as an organ donor. However, all tribes have different traditions, and individuals within Native American families are as different as those of non-Native Americans. Regardless of culture, families of potential donors have the right to be offered the option of donating their loved ones' organs and tissues.
Although Robert's organ donation process was very painful for us, we have no regrets. It is rewarding, too, to know that others have been spared the anguish that nothing could have spared us. Robert left a reminder for us to be protectors of life. There are those who depend on a machine, or endure much pain to love, live, hope and care for loved ones.
Organ donation is a precious gift, both to give and to receive. If hospitals take care of grieving people, they will most likely see an increase in organ donations --- and in saving lives. Sylvia Mendivil Salazar serves as coordinator of Native American Concerns for the Archdiocese of Los Angeles.
This column was written In memory of Robert Mendivil Salazar, member of the Tribal Nations Akimel O'odham / Pascua Yaqui.
April is National Donate Life Month. For more information on organ donation see the United Network for Organ Sharing at www.unos.org.
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