I have returned to school to study Pastoral Theology. Being accepted into the program was thrilling. Stepping foot on the campus and actually maneuvering the parking lots, hallways, escalators and coffee shop, however, is another story.

College campuses are the domains of the young. Bright, fresh young faces and bodies are moving about everywhere. Cell phones are ringing, young people are laughing and talking, and the air is full of the electricity and hopefulness of youth. Those of us well beyond this stage in life could be intimidated.

One of my daughters is completing a Master's degree at the same university. She was gracious enough to meet me every Tuesday before class. Her presence was a joy and eased the apprehension and adjustment to a new environment.

I have learned a great deal in these few months of being a student. As I sit and drink coffee before going to class and watch the students walking back and forth it strikes me, perhaps for the first time since my own children began college a number of years ago, that I am seeing the experience through their eyes. Granted, my glimpse is minimal but sometimes you can see the uncertainty of the students, especially the ones who are walking alone.

One afternoon a girl sat down in a corner of the hallway and opened what appeared to be a box from home. I watched as she took cookies and other goodies from the box. The next morning a box was prepared for my 19-year-old son who is away at college.

I have also learned that it is not easy to step into new territory. It is humbling to be new, unsure and a bit on the outside looking in. Slowing down to read the assigned material and then write paper after paper is, of course, a challenge. How does one write a paper for a college class after 20 years away from academia? What is the latest directive for footnotes and how does one cite information taken from the Internet?

The last time I was in school there was no Internet. My thesis was handwritten and taken to a professional typist to be formatted and printed.

I am learning to listen carefully and to try to think critically before speaking. It is an exercise in practicing what one preaches. I have taken to stuffing my returned assignments into a folder and not reading the professor's remarks until the next day. The fear of failure is greater than anticipated.

The most important thing I have learned, however, in these past four months is that the Catholic Church is bursting with teachings written by bishops and popes that, if studied more often in parish communities, could revolutionize society.

At times I feel a bit like a foreigner coming into a new country ignorant of the culture and practices. I have been a Catholic all my life, yet there is so much I did not know. While I have always been aware of church teachings there has not been time to read them carefully. It is exciting and hopeful that there is so much written on arms control, the death penalty, the environment, economic justice, social security and the responsibility to be faithful citizens among volumes of other topics. The Catholic tradition of caring for the poor, working for the good of all society --- not individual nations or ideologies --- and the call to be engaged in civic life as well as Church life is a broader perspective than I imagined.

The Church (and many bishops of the United States) has been under fire in the past few years, and like many other Catholics I have felt a sense of disillusionment. Beginning the formal study of theology, however, tempers my cynicism and helps point up the good that the bishops of the Catholic Church have done for this country.

There is also a new awareness of spirituality and how it is practiced in different traditions. Leaning now, on a different level, and listening to highly intelligent and experienced professors is a treat I might not have appreciated years ago.

Many times, teenagers go to college because it is what their parents want, not necessarily what they want. Nonetheless, most persevere. Many seeking graduate degrees in business, education and other fields do it to secure career advancement and better support their families. I have done both. Returning to school to study theology, at a time when career development is not a concern and when a family has been raised, is a gift.

Anne Hansen is a parent education consultant and a parishioner at Blessed Junípero Serra Church, Camarillo. Her e-mail address is familymail@aol.com.