How do we teach our children about Lent so it is meaningful to them as children? And so that, as adults, they will appreciate and practice the traditions of the season as they try to understand what Lent means in their lives?

We teach them in the same way we teach them about everything else --- by our example.

If Lent and the religious aspect of Easter are important to us, it will be to our children. If we ignore Lenten practices, or talk about them but do not act on them, it is likely that our children will do the same.

Last week it was time to remind my own children, now all adults, about Ash Wednesday. Attempting to be subtle, I remarked, "Can you believe it is Ash Wednesday?" Mothers will recognize this tactic --- "mother-speak," a common tactic with grown children. Instead of the direct, "Don't forget it is Ash Wednesday and therefore the beginning of Lent and why don't you go to church?" we employ tactics we think are clever and understated. We do not want to overstep our boundaries.

But children, used to our ways, understand "mother-speak" and usually call us on it. In this case my daughter said, "Yes, Mother. Do you realize you say that every year?" No, I did not realize it, but I was glad that she did.

While Lent is a personal journey, it is also a family journey. We live together, sharing our lives, so it is only logical that we will share Lent. Therefore, before we can pass along our understanding of Lent, we need to be sure we are clear about what we believe. It was easier long ago when Lent meant no meat on Friday and "giving up" something, usually food or drink. There was a formula or a recipe that, if followed, insured a healthy Lent with an outcome of holiness, or so we believed.

Today, things are different. While personal sacrifice, fasting and abstaining are still recommended, they are secondary to acts of kindness, mercy and prayer. This puts a new light on the season of Lent as a season of grace and growth in our relationship with God and each other, rather than as a dark season of deprivation.

We all respond to symbols. Children understand them better than words and adults recognize that often symbols say far more than words. Food is a wonderful symbol to use as a teaching tool about Lent, for both children and adults.

For example, we can use the practice of meatless Fridays to bring our families to an understanding of the hunger experienced by so many throughout the world. We can purposely keep our Friday meals simple and different than our usual fare.

And preparing dinner can be a Lenten experience if we approach it prayerfully, asking God for patience and wisdom to make the meal a nourishing and spiritual experience. This does not mean the meal must be in silence or completely given over to prayer, but it can begin with more than the usual blessing reminding each person to share the food and themselves, and to take a spirit of cooperation and kindness toward each other away from the table into the routine of the next day. Would such an approach not markedly change the experience of "dinner"?

A very timely Lenten practice would be to honor the request of Cardinal Roger Mahony every parish and parishioner to include a family prayer each evening for the passage of a just and fair immigration law. Such prayers could lead to writing letters to government representatives, asking for a humane treatment of immigrants.

Living Lent rather than just meandering through it requires creativity to make it meaningful personally and for the family. It will, however, be a gift to your children, regardless of their age.

Anne Hansen is a parent education consultant and a parishioner at Blessed Junípero Serra Church, Camarillo. Her e-mail address is familymail@aol.com.