I find myself intrigued by Coretta Scott King's statement that "it wasn't love at first sight" when in 1951 she met Martin Luther King Jr., then a young seminary student at Boston University. The woman who later became one of America's most influential advocates of social change and human rights "learned to love" him, she said.

Back then Coretta was pursuing a career as a concert artist, studying at the New England Conservatory of Music in Boston. The friend who introduced her to Martin "said she wanted me to meet a very promising young minister from Atlanta," Coretta recalled in an interview. "He was looking for a wife. I wasn't looking for a husband, but he was a wonderful human being.

"I still resisted his overtures, but after he persisted I had to pray about it.... I had a dream, and in that dream I was made to feel that I should allow myself to be open and stop fighting the relationship. That's what I did."

The couple were married June 18, 1953, at the Scotts' home in Marion, Ala. They moved to Montgomery, Ala., where he became pastor of the Dexter Avenue Baptist Church. Two years later, the first of their four children was born. Two weeks after that, Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat to a white passenger, launching the Montgomery bus boycott that thrust the Kings into the middle of events that called for unflinching courage.

I believe the Kings were ready for everything and anything because their relationship was built on sacrificial love. I heard one minister say recently that "there is something very masculine," very feminine, about sacrificial love. It ennobles even the most ordinary people.

Looking back, we can see where the Kings' courtship is a blueprint for courtships everywhere!

To women, the pattern of their courtship says:

1. Know yourself, your dreams, your value as a human being, and be content with who you are.
2. When a suitor comes, consider who he is, what he stands for, his ideas, his goals for the two of you as a family.
3. Do not be unequally yoked. Take seriously the man who shares your values and can appreciate the unique experiences of your life.
4. It's OK not to say "Yes!" right away. Allow some time to pray about the matter. Seek diligently to hear God's voice about it.
5. Once you take that first step down the aisle, never look back on all you could have done; look forward to what the two of you can do together.

To men, the pattern of the King courtship says:

1. Be sure of your own goals first before seeking a helpmate, a wife.
2. Put pride aside, and allow others to introduce you to women who exhibit the kind of qualities you are seeking.
3. When you have feelings for someone who is wife timber, tell her!
4. Do not be discouraged if the woman of your dreams says "no" at first. Give her space where space is needed, but be available to her. Continue to be someone she looks forward to being around.
5. Trust God to order the steps of your life, even if those steps lead to a deserted motel balcony one spring day in Memphis.

Carole Norris Greene is an associate editor in Catholic News Service's Special Projects department, and was founding director of the Office of Black Ministry in the Diocese of Brooklyn, N.Y.