Teenagers and their parents share a challenge, in some cases, a struggle --- maturing and gaining independence. Anyone who has lived with a teenager knows that navigating the sometimes-perilous journey to adulthood is not made alone but with the help of the entire community.

The youngest of my five children will be 20 years old in about six months. Over years of parenting we have seen our share of teenage antics, anguish and accomplishments. The only wisdom I can offer is to stay alert, loving and ready to help when necessary. I would like to say that when the teenage years are over, things get easier and parents can stop worrying and intervening. That is not always the case, as seasoned parents will attest.

While my son was home from college over the holidays, he became ill and needed medical care. We still use the services of the same pediatric group that cared for all of the children when they were young, but these days there is an office for adolescents and young adults, where I waited and knitted while waiting for my son to be examined.

In the adolescent and young adult waiting room were prominently displayed brochures. The topics included those that parents have difficulty discussing: Talking to Your Young Teen About Sex and Sexuality, Coping With Adolescent Depression and Suicide, The Risks of Tobacco Use, Know the Facts About HIV and AIDS, Cocaine: Your child and Drugs and Testing Your Teen for Illicit Drugs.

My initial reaction was to continue knitting; the brochures did not apply to my life or my child anymore. However, the more I ignored them the louder they seemed to call for me to pick them up and read them. They are published by the American Academy of Pediatrics (www.aap.org) and the information they offer is more comprehensive than the clever cover of each brochure suggests.

The brochure on sexuality stressed that parents' values are important and should be shared with children, even if those values are considered "old fashioned" by today's standards. It also offered concrete tips on how to talk about all aspects of sex with teenagers, especially when the parent is uncomfortable with the subject. The information covered a wide range of issues related to sexuality (from date rape to homosexuality) in a way that would be helpful to even the most shy and private parent.

A brochure on HIV and AIDS presented basic facts on transmission of the virus, showed the link of drug use to the rise in the cases of sexually transmitted diseases, and offered practical advice to begin discussion of the topic.

A brochure on coping with adolescent depression and suicide was almost a mini-parenting guide for raising a teenager, citing statistics on suicide and the link to depression. Four detailed strategies on helping a teen through depression were offered, all emphasizing communication. Parents were advised to ask questions and be ready to listen without dismissing the teen's problems or making fun of them. They were told to be honest and share feelings and finally to be proactive in seeking help for the teen and family.

What a service our churches would perform it they offered such brochures to parents of junior high and high school students. An informative, practical series of parenting workshops for parents of confirmation candidates could be created that would address the physical, emotional and spiritual development of the child as well as the role of the parent and the whole family in that development.

Inviting parents to learn and share their ideas and experiences while praying with and for each other would create a safe, comfortable environment that would certainly make a difference in the lives of many families.

Anne Hansen is a parent education consultant and a parishioner at Blessed Junípero Serra Church, Camarillo. Her e-mail address is familymail@aol.com.