This is the second of a two-part series. As the archdiocesan Ministry with Lesbian and Gay Catholics nears 20 years of service to the local church, issues in human sexuality continue to raise numerous questions and concerns. The church strives to be morally clear, yet pastoral.
Parents often seek out their pastor wanting to know what to say to their Catholic child who is revealing to them their homosexual orientation. Frequently they are referred to the U.S. bishops' 1997 document, "Always Our Children: A Pastoral Message to Parents of Homosexual Children and Suggestions for Pastoral Ministers."
The pastoral encourages parents not to break off contact, and not to reject a child who is making it known that he or she has a homosexual orientation.
"Your child many need you and the family now more than ever," it states. "This child, who has always been God's gift to you, may now be the cause of another gift: your family becoming more honest, respectful and supportive."
It encourages parents to see outside support as they seek to understand God's plan for their child.
John Cooley admits he and his wife Christine struggled to accept their son's homosexuality when he told them at age 22, some 14 years ago.
"We just didn't know what to do," remembers Cooley, a retired police officer and parishioner at St. Rose of Lima Church in Simi Valley. "It was absolutely devastating to us."
They grieved the loss of future grandchildren and found themselves on an emotional rollercoaster with many faith questions. The Cooleys drove from Simi Valley to Los Angeles to meet with a priest and other Catholic parents of gay and lesbian children. They started towards the road of acceptance when they learned the church does not condemn their son.
"We're all accepted by God. He made us. He made my son," said Cooley. He and his wife have facilitated a Catholic parents' support group in Simi Valley for six years with the assistance of their pastor, Father Michael Carcerano. "We have a phenomenal relationship with our son," added Cooley.
Parents of homosexual children often experience a tension between loving their child and not wanting to endorse any behavior the church teaches is wrong.
"You can still love your child without condoning their behavior," Cooley tells parents new to the support group. "There's nothing wrong with telling them you don't like it or you disagree with it, but don't allow it to kill the relationship or divide you."
Catholic teaching urges all Catholics to treat every homosexual person with respect, compassion and sensitivity and to acknowledge each person's inherent dignity as a child of God. The church does not condemn anyone for their homosexual orientation, and the "Catechism of the Catholic Church" urges that "every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided" (n. 2358).
The catechism also states that the psychological genesis of homosexuality "remains largely unexplained" (n 2357). "They do not choose their homosexual condition; for most of them it is a trial" (n 2358).
At the same time, homosexual acts "are intrinsically disordered" (n. 2357), states the catechism, because same-sex sexual acts are not open to the potential of creating new human life. The nature of sex is unitive and procreative, and the church recognizes marriages only between a man and a woman as God's plan for the complementarity of the sexes and the procreation of each successive generation.
"Homosexual persons are called to chastity" (n. 2359) and are encouraged to lives of prayer and discernment as they cooperate with God's grace to live chaste lives, just as non-married heterosexual people are responsible for living chastely. It is a counter-cultural message in a secular and sexualized world.
Stereotypes brand gay people as being sexually active and promiscuous, an inaccurate presumption, say those ministering to lesbian and gay Catholics.
"To assume that because someone is gay they are sexually active is wrong," said Fran Ruth, coordinator of Ministry with Lesbian and Gay Catholics in the Archdiocese of Los Angeles.
There are many difficult areas of human sexuality in which all Catholics --- heterosexual and homosexual --- are challenged to understand church teaching and to reflect on it in prayer. Among them are sexual activity outside the sacrament of marriage; the widespread use of artificial contraception; the prevalence of sexually transmitted diseases; abortion; and divorce. Despite the failure of many people to live up to high ideals, the Catholic Church continues to urge Catholics to live lives of modesty, self-control, chastity and fidelity as well as celibacy among its priests and religious.
Ministry with Lesbian and Gay Catholics strives to follow the teaching of the Church on sexuality. "We are a people on a journey," said Ruth, "trying to live and embody the teachings of Christ."
Recently, the debate in California and throughout the country about same-sex marriage has re-ignited tensions among people of faith. At times it has divided homosexual and heterosexual people from one another and has led some Christians, including some Catholics, to denounce (sometimes in malicious terms) gay and lesbian people.
While the Catholic Church does not support same-sex marriage, it discourages any malicious speech towards homosexual persons.
Bill Mochon, a psychotherapist with a Master of Divinity degree and a first-year candidate in diaconate formation, is concerned that in this current climate, the next generation of young Catholics and Christians may hear numerous messages of condemnation about homosexual people.
"Youth are going to feel completely alienated and they won't be evangelizers embracing the Gospel message and spreading it," he said.
Jesus' message of love and mercy could be lost, not only to young gay Catholics, but to their heterosexual friends as well, he said.
"For every gay kid there are six to seven heterosexual friends, and they too resist organizations and institutions persecuting their gay friends," said Mochon.
It becomes essential, he said, for Catholics to continually communicate about the inherent dignity of gay and lesbian people, whom God loves and cherishes.
Ruth hopes that Ministry with Lesbian and Gay Catholics and their families continues to develop throughout the Archdiocese of Los Angeles at the parish level.
"We're trying to find those parishes that are not threatened by gay and lesbian parishioners, and would welcome us. We want to support the parish," she said.
She noted that gay and lesbian Catholics have much to offer churches. When welcomed, they contribute in many different ways to a parish's success -- as lectors, musicians, religious educators or with the parish fiesta.
Likewise, Mochon encourages heterosexual Catholics to get to know the wisdom and spirituality of their gay brothers and sisters.
"Nothing brings you closer to the suffering Christ on the cross than when you feel you've been nailed to the cross your whole life as well," he said. "Gay and lesbian Catholics have not rejected the cross, but have embraced it and carried it well. They have such a depth of spirituality, a connection to God in prayer and a reality to their relationship with Jesus."
Added Lynette Aldapa, a long-time member of St. Matthew Church in Long Beach: "Being homosexual has helped me to be a compassionate person for any person who comes in front of me. God wants us to be with the least and the last, to be with the broken, and to help people walk through whatever they are walking through." Editor's note: For more information about Ministry with Lesbian and Gay Catholics, see www.la-archdiocese.org and click on "Ministry" at the top. Or call the St. Camillus Center for Pastoral Care at (323) 225-4461.
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