The strength and power of any homily can depend on the listener's state of mind as much as the homilist's ability to compose and deliver the message.

Arriving at church on a Sunday morning for 10 a.m. Mass after feeding and dressing two or three children, or wrangling with a teenager over what is proper attire, might ensure that any homily sounds good because of the quiet moments it offers the parent. On the other hand, arriving at Mass after worrying all night about all those things that keep us awake can result in the most profound homily going unnoticed.

We might listen to a homily and think it is wonderful, coming away moving and motivated. At other times we shake our heads, wondering what the homilist could have been thinking when preparing his talk. Occasionally, there may be a consensus among all gathered that the homily is relevant, inspiring and affecting long after the experience. A few weeks ago I heard such a homily.

At the liturgy concluding the annual parents' weekend celebration at Gonzaga University in Spokane, Wash., Jesuit Father Robert Spitzer, university president, spoke about the importance of loving one another. There was not a sound in the crowded church as Father Spitzer challenged the listeners to take the extra step to always love unconditionally as God loves each of us.

Going a step farther, Father Spitzer challenged the assembly to approach every encounter that might bring a negative response with a positive one instead. Concrete, everyday examples --- mixed with humor and an impassioned delivery --- brought life to his words.

Sitting next to my own child, it seemed that unconditional love was a perfect topic. So much happens during the four years a child is in college. Some excel and perform well; others struggle and succumb to negative peer pressure. Either way, parents are called to love their children for who they are, rather than for what they do.

Moreover, the moms and dads sitting in the pews could not help but consider their relationships with each other as well as those they have at work and in the community. Responding from a positive position of unconditional love versus a negative position of cynicism certainly can make a difference.

Father Spitzer's homily was not lost on the students, either. That evening at dinner, amidst bowls of pasta, the boys at our table agreed the homily's message was something they heard regularly. It was music to a mother's ears to hear the boys discussing a homily in such a positive manner.

Over the last few weeks since being in Spokane, I have heard the message of Father Spitzer's homily ringing in my ears as I try to practice patience and attempts at the unconditional love. Instead of thinking the man next to me on the plane the other day was rude and stand-offish, I decided to think he missed his family and was exhausted from traveling from one end of the world to another. It made the flight easier.

When my sister was tired from balancing life in a distant country and circumstance, I went to empathy instead of unwanted advice and annoyance. I am hoping this new-found attitude will continue. That, however, will be a personal decision.

Homilies will continue to range from stellar to boring. Not every homily will offer inspiration but acting on those that do can make life more meaningful.

Anne Hansen is a parent education consultant and a parishioner at Blessed Junípero Serra Church, Camarillo. Her e-mail address is familymail@aol.com.