I began this series of columns with the story of a man who went back to his childhood home to find that his widowed father had been contemplating suicide. The older man had even gone as far as to purchase a rope and plan how he will do it.

The father told his son what had happened, but rather than this being the end of the story, it was just the beginning, because the father's act was a call for help. It was, of course, for his son, but I think it was a call to us to speak about the issue of depression and how it affects people of faith, and most especially our elders.

With this (very real) story in hand I went to speak with Dr. Ann Claire Smith, a clinical psychologist and lay minister. I asked her to spend time with me talking about the issues surrounding depression and suicide.

As she explained, religious people are often not only fearful of discussing such feelings of hopelessness, they are ashamed to do so feeling that they are displeasing God since they view despair as a lapse of faith. It is an impossible situation as Dr. Smith sees it: The feelings of despondency and worthlessness are quite real, but if we pile on these the misconception that God is also judging us unworthy, there is no way out.

I am sure you see the problem: "I feel like my life is not worth living, (leads to) I am even more worthless for feeling this way because a good Christian should put all their faith in God, (leads to) God must be angry and disappointed with me for having such weak faith, (leads right back to the beginning of the cycle) I feel like my life is not worth living." How do we break out of this cycle, with and through the grace of God?

First, let us deconstruct some myths. Depression is not a sign of weakness, or of faithlessness. Depression is an illness. Scientists are just beginning to unravel the ways the human brain works. Yet, as people of faith, we know that we are much more than synapses and nerve endings. We are indeed marvelously made and utterly mysterious.

It is natural, then, that we be suspicious of theories that want to reduce the human being to test tubes and biology. But we have to try to reach a middle ground. There are some very important things that science can tell us about depression.

For instance, changes in our physical state really affect how sad we feel. Some events --- such as the birth of a child, menopause, lack of sunlight, inactivity, confinement or a change in diet --- can radically alter the way someone "feels." This is surely evidence that depression has a physical side. It is also why medicines and other strategies, such as an increase in exercise can help at such times.

Yet, we also know there is something so very mysterious about the way God created us, that human beings who "should" have been depressed (if we use only scientific explanations) --- such as Cesar Chavez, famous for his frugal lifestyle and hunger strikes for justice --- were amazingly joyful and generous people. In the case of Chavez I can speak from personal experience, having spent a delightful evening in conversation with him shortly before his death. There is something intangible, amazing in such persons, that seems to set all medical research on its head, and that something is what we Christians call grace.

So, in reaching out for a compromise of accepting the physical reasons and remedies for depression, we can work just as assiduously at prayer, at making available the support of the Christian community and at developing a radical openness to God's grace. God can choose any way God wants to make grace manifest in our lives, and there's no reason for us to think that a good therapist and helpful medical care is not indeed a God-given grace.

It is important then that we, as people of faith, accept that depression is a medical illness. And just as we would not expect anyone to walk around comfortably on two broken legs, we should not expect anyone to deal with depression without proper care. Serious depression requires the help of competent professionals and it is important that we take this step precisely as an act of faith. If we believe in a loving God, then we know such a loving God wants always what is best for us.

It is also just as important that, along with the medical attention that is necessary for depression, we validate the mystery and dignity of the human person, the amazing grace (to paraphrase that beautiful hymn) that takes someone who is lost and helps them to be found, someone who is blind and helps them to see.

Finally, Dr. Smith shared with me some very particular steps we can take to assess and begin to help someone who is in a depressive state:

1. Recognize and acknowledge the suffering, and be very patient. "You are really suffering, I believe this; can you tell me more about that?" The response may not be immediate; Dr. Smith told me of sitting by a hospice patient's bedside for three straight days, just being present. The patient was silent. It wasn't until the fourth day that the dying woman finally opened up and allowed Dr. Smith into her heart.

2. Make God present in the way you relate to this person. Being a disciple of Christ, preach Christ's love with actions, even if the person distrusts or rejects this at first.

3. Be conscious that family members are not therapists. As family or close friends, we will care deeply and it will be difficult to have enough distance or objectivity to really help. If the problem is serious, we need the help of a trained professional.

4. Talk about some of the ways that we may have misunderstood suffering and pain within the Christian tradition. Witness to your belief that despair is not a moral failure, but a call to God for help as Christ did in Gethsemane. Acknowledge that the depressed person may feel judged unworthy, and demonstrate with your love why this judgment is not in keeping with our image of a loving God.

5. Cling to Jesus as an example. In the New Testament we see people constantly asking Jesus for help; they did not just sit by and accept their suffering mutely, they reached out to him and asked for healing. He always told them that it was their faith that had healed them. This is a very important clue. Jesus was showing us two things:

---You need to name your pain, you need to acknowledge it and speak it out loud; you need to actively ask for help.

---When you ask for help with faith, you become a vehicle for God's grace to work. You become a living, walking, breathing example of God's amazing power to heal and to restore wholeness. In your very need of God, you evangelize others.

To conclude this series I want to encourage you to talk about these issues in your family and to have the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) handy. This federally funded agency connects persons in need of help to crisis centers around the country.

There are many beautiful images in the New Testament, but few are as magnificent as Jesus calling Lazarus out from the tomb. Jesus came so we may have life; we must help one another to live that life fully.

Cecilia González-Andrieu writes from The Graduate Theological Union in Berkeley where she is completing a doctorate in theology.