I don't know about you, but I feel like a pretty crummy Christian most of the time. I rarely practice what I preach (so I try not to preach very often), and the only things worse than my inaction are my thoughts. Most of the time I am competitive, greedy, judgmental and self absorbed.

I have been immensely drawn to Jesus and his teachings for all of my adult life, yet I rarely live up to his calling. I can be generous, compassionate, merciful and hospitable at times --- but it seems like moments compared to the days and weeks during which I forget to try and follow Jesus at all.

Today's Gospel reading is good news to those of us who feel like lousy Christians. Jesus tells a parable about a self-righteous man who uses a public prayer to congratulate himself on his piety: "O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity --- greedy, dishonest, adulterous --- or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income."

Meanwhile, the tax collector in the next pew bows his head and prays: "O God, be merciful to me a sinner." Jesus finishes the parable saying the tax collector and not the Pharisee "went home justified; for whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted."

Throughout the Gospels, we see that it is rarely the religious elite that respond positively to Jesus and his message. It would seem that religious prominence is almost an obstacle to faith; perhaps we become so concerned with looking good spiritually that we lose sight of our utter dependence on the grace of God. When Jesus says that "whoever" exalts himself will be humbled, he is apparently speaking about all of us, regardless of our rank or status in society or in the church.

The humble man in the parable asks for mercy. He calls himself a sinner. But he doesn't want to remain in this state. He asks for help.

To be humble, then, doesn't mean to be self-loathing but to acknowledge our need for God's mercy. To be humble doesn't mean you don't like yourself, but it does mean that you know you can't climb to heaven on the strength of your own flawless spiritual performance. To be humble means to acknowledge that you want to do better, to be a better person, and to acknowledge that God can and wants to help you. To be humble, as a Christian, means to have a realistic self-assessment and to have hope to change for the better.

I have said many times that one of the most appealing aspects of the Christian faith is that it gives us the freedom to be imperfect. Indeed Jesus calls us to a high standard --- but he calls us to be perfectly faithful, not perfectly spiritual. We are called to follow him, and to ask for help when with lack the courage, vision, or strength to do so.

Bill Peatman writes from Napa.