These days our house is divided between two very important projects. We discuss what side of the aisle people will be on and what we will wear to the president's reception. We study programs and policies while considering and prioritizing budget items. We plan, order necessary items and stay busy keeping both sides of the house on track to finish their projects. A couple of times we have had to stop and reorganize because the rhetoric within the house took a negative turn.

While all of this may sound like politics or business, it is not. Our house is divided because two of the residents are preparing for major changes in their lives. The youngest child is leaving for college and the oldest is getting married. Both events are only weeks away.

The college-bound child studies school policies and programs while the bride-to-be works on the program for the wedding Mass and the seating arrangements for the wedding reception.

Both are aware of what the budget allows for their events and both keep a daily vigil at the mailbox. One waits for word of his roommate and class schedule; the other collects response cards for the wedding. The rest of the family --- especially the mother --- has adapted and leaves the task of gathering the mail to them.

There are stockpiles accumulating in the garage. A mini-refrigerator, left over from the last child's college days is surrounded by packages containing dorm equipment. Right near this stockpile is another with gifts from a wedding shower and goods to be transported to the newlywed's home.

Both children are moving away. The student is off to Gonzaga University in Washington and the bride, with her new husband, to Arizona. Neither place is a long distance but neither is accessible by local freeway. A visit to each of the children will require air travel or long car rides. Life will be different for all the family.

While neither of these experiences (going away to college and preparing for a wedding) are new to the family, they are still exciting, hectic and of course filled with emotion. They may be even more emotional because there is a certain understanding that was not there the first time around.

Last week the mail brought the college freshman orientation packet. It was fun to read about the activities planned for family members during that frenzied time when freshmen move into their dorm rooms. As my husband and I read the brochure we both stopped right after the line about the president's welcome Mass. It read, "2:30 p.m. Parents are encouraged to say goodbye." Neither of us could read it out loud. We put the brochure aside and shifted our attention to other things.

The next few weeks will surely require patience and prayer. Patience for the times when tempers get short because of anticipation, stress, fear of the unknown or just general nervousness, and prayer for strength and the wisdom to relax and enjoy every single moment.

Preparations for a wedding and college are not extraordinary experiences. They are very routine in the lives of families. However, they become extraordinary when it is your family doing the preparing.

I remember being a young mother with three little children and another on the way. Older ladies would stop me in the mall or grocery store to remark on the children and my condition. They always advised to enjoy them because they grow up so fast. I would smile, hoping my annoyance was not obvious. What ever could they mean?

The diapers, toys, endless meals and piles of laundry generated by little children were not easy. Much as I loved them and enjoyed their sweet faces, laughter and playing, I knew it had to be easier when they were older and could care for themselves. I was certain the older women had forgotten and were just being sentimental.

Well, now I am getting to be one of those older ladies and I want to tell every young mother to relax and enjoy their little children. Don't fret about sticky tables and crunchy cereal on the floor. Let the laundry pile up. Sit down on the floor and play, take lunch to the park and just spend as much time as you can holding and loving the little ones. The older ladies were so right!

The joy of watching your children gain independence is immense. There is, however, a small piece inside every parent that holds onto his or her very young years.

Anne Hansen is a parent education consultant and a parishioner at Blessed Junípero Serra Church, Camarillo. Her e-mail address is familymail@aol.com.