Keeping children connected to church can be a challenge.
Last weekend I took my 8-month-old grandson to Mass and, as expected, he got fussy half way through the liturgy. As we left the church and went outside, I laughed thinking about his mother and his aunts and uncles. There were occasions when they, too, would have preferred to be outside admiring the trees and the fountain rather than inside singing or listening to the homily.
My children have sometimes resisted the idea of church. They complained that church was boring and questioned why they had to go every week. There were times when one or another of them sat through Mass with a less than enthusiastic attitude --- usually in their teenage years --- slumped in the seat with crossed arms avoiding eye contact with anyone, especially their parents. Other times they fooled around, whispering and giggling until "the look" was sent their way. While understanding this behavior was normal, it was still a source of frustration.
When the church attendance discussions came up, my husband and I explained that church was something our family believed was important and we expected them to go as long as they lived under our roof. In retrospect we probably should have explained our reasons in a more theologically correct manner, but the words never came easily, possibly because we, ourselves, were struggling to understand what church really meant.
Over the years trends, movements and philosophies about religious education and formation have come and gone. At the heart of each of these has been the question of how to connect our children (and ourselves) to the church and ultimately to true conversion to Jesus. There has never been one single approach that worked for everyone, even though at the time of its popularity many of us thought we had found "the" answer in a specific program.
The answer may be in the diversity of our beliefs and visions of church and our willingness to listen to each other concerning these beliefs and visions. I have come to understand, partially thanks to my children, many definitions and experiences of church.
Church is about the way we live with the people we interact with on a regular and not so regular basis. Church is sometimes about being courteous and polite to people we really do not care for or want to be around. Church is also about the discussions we engage in at work over current events and the way we treat people in the mall, on the freeway and in the grocery store.
The solitary, devotional traditions of the past have been replaced with community prayer. We have come to see that while quiet prayer is necessary for spiritual development, the interaction we have with each other carries as much merit and often bring us to the realization that Jesus is not just a historical figure but part of the person we meet in the hallway and across the aisle.
The way we teach our children about church evolves and changes. The strict memorization of prayers, facts and dates thankfully gave way to the gentler and more meaningful methods of finding God in everyday life. Even today those methods evolve into experiences that let children interact with the parish as a whole and learn the basics of their faith from their parents, rather than from a teacher in a classroom setting.
Regardless of how we do it, the important thing is to keep our children connected to and interested in the church. If that means creating Sesame Street type graphics, using current movies to teach and focusing on what some see as social more than spiritual experiences, then so be it. Different personalities and learning styles require diversity in teaching styles. The goal is to bring the truths of Jesus to each other.
Adults sometimes resist change, especially when it comes to religious practices and ways of teaching about religion. We figure that if something worked for us it can work for our children. That may be true, but it may also be true that a "new way" reaches our children deeper and more meaningfully.
The next few years will see changes in the way we approach the faith formation of our children --- and ourselves --- and it will be up to us to stretch and help facilitate the changes and learn from them. In the process there is a good chance our faith will grow. Anne Hansen is a parent education consultant and a parishioner at Blessed Junípero Serra Church, Camarillo. Her e-mail address is familymail@aol.com.
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