Editor's note: This is the fifth of a 6-part series addressing spiritual issues at the heart of the archdiocese, prepared by the Archdiocesan Spirituality Commission.

Anger affects our whole being and presence in the world. Often a surprising and unexpected phenomenon that can dominate our lives, anger is actually a natural emotion that unfolds as a result of the ambiguity and mystery that engulfs us when something tragic happens, when something unexplainable occurs, or as a response to challenging or unjust situations

It is important to recognize and work with any anger we might be experiencing, because denying or ignoring it can be dangerous. As anger physically alters our state of being, unattended anger can prove to be destructive in our lives and relationships and can even be expressed as rage and/or violence.

Anger is actually an emotion more deeply connected to the basic feelings of hurt, pain and fear. It is a restlessness that beckons a desire for peace and joy. Often we don't know what to do with these feelings felt so deeply, we avoid the weeping in our souls, and therefore anger becomes our means of expression --- perhaps "safer" than dealing with the core feelings of woundedness.

Bringing our anger to prayer with God is essential. But it is often complicated by the fact that to do so defies what we have been told about how to respond to difficult situations and how to reverence God in our own lives.

In the most difficult moments in my life --- especially after the murder of my brother --- I suppressed the anger and feelings of betrayal from God and myself and simply prayed that I be delivered from the dark pit of depression. I never mentioned the anger. I thought I was approaching God as I was taught was correct and proper. Wasn't I supposed to "accept God's will," "turn the other cheek" and even "forgive my enemies?" Even so, none of these ways of proceeding authentically addressed the raw and powerful anger I felt in the face of such a loss.

At times I felt very distant from God and, although I went to God in prayer, I was not trusting God with what I was truly feeling because hurt, pain and fear were perceived as weakness. And I wanted to be a person of strong faith.

One morning I was meditating on Psalm 139. Through this Psalm I came to realize the depth of sadness and hurt I was experiencing. Not until I was able to authentically bare my soul and expose the feelings of anger to God did I feel any consolation.

What I found is that it is imperative to bring this anger to prayer. If you have the courage to be before God in an authentic way, you will quickly find that God will love you and accept you in all your humanness --- and you shall be set free! There are times we want to remain angry and stay away from prayer, but the peace and joy that is found in coming to God with these painful wounds is the ultimate intimacy with God.

Anger is a way in which to protect yourself from further pain, but it shuts down any possible growth unless you work your way through it to the hurt, pain and fear that lies beneath. It is a dark and turbulent journey but there is a compassionate guide that gives comfort at the most unexpected moments. The depth of love and trust required beckons a deeper relationship with God.

Once you realize that God isn't allowing you to fumble through the pain in order that you may discover some arbitrary divine plan for your life but rather that your desires, your concerns, and you as a person matter to God, you will be forever transformed by the awareness that you are co-creator with God in your life and that you have a say in what your meaning and purpose in this life will be.

God does not derive pleasure from your suffering, nor does it satisfy any requirement that God has set. It is instead an opportunity to receive God's grace and to deepen the intimate knowledge of God's love for us.

I learned that it doesn't help to shut God out of the pain we are feeling. Like Jesus' prayer in Gethsemane, we must be open and honest in our communication with God. We must be willing to undress our souls before God and share the darkness, the pain and all the feelings we experience --- even the ones we deem to be "unacceptable." As my grandmother would say, "God can take it!"

But it isn't because "God can take it" that I should bring my anger to God. It is because I need to fully disclose all of who I am before the Creator so that I am able to be intimate with God (him?) and receive the peace, healing and joy that God so wants to share with me through grace.

I must humbly come to God as who I am in all of my humanity because it is how God created me and what God expects and desires of me. In Psalm 139, we read that God "knows us and searches us," and that intimate understanding and familiarity includes knowing the pain and the tears that we do not shed. The darkness that we experience cannot be illuminated by Christ's light unless we risk being vulnerable and open in every aspect of our lives. We must trust that God will lovingly handle our broken hearts and pain and, through God's grace, piece it back together into something that is transformed and powerful because we have been authentic and honest in recognizing and sharing our woundedness.

Ultimately, it is about resurrection --- journeying through death into life. Yet even in resurrection Jesus kept his wounds as visible signs of the death that led to the resurrection. His woundedness, now a sign of victory over death through love, gives us the example of what our own wounds can become for us and for others in our world.

Yvonne Huitron is director of sacramental preparation at Loyola Marymount University's Campus Ministry Office, and for many years has worked with victims of violence through the archdiocesan Office of Detention Ministry, local parishes and victims' organizations. She attends Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal Church in Montebello.