Hundreds of family members and friends gathered in Ventura June 5 for events involving St. Bonaventure High School's 38th graduation --- the morning baccalaureate Mass at Our Lady of Assumption Church, the afternoon commencement exercises in the gym at Ventura College, the backyard parties that went well into the evening hours.

Before the morning liturgy began, the families of the graduates waited in excited anticipation, cameras ready, for their son or daughter to walk down the aisle. The procession began and everyone quieted down. A sense of reverence settled over the church as the 180 teenagers came into view, all carrying roses they would later share with their parents at the sign of peace.

The theme chosen for the baccalaureate Mass was gratitude, a theme expressed throughout the liturgy: gratitude for the goodness of God and for the guidance of parents and teachers, coaches and counselors who directed the graduates through their four years of high school.

As the mother of a graduate I wanted to add that we, the parents, were grateful for these children who sat before us, so grown-up-looking in their green and gold caps and gowns, the girls teetering on high heel shoes and the boys standing so tall with perfectly knotted ties around their necks.

We were grateful for these children, who at that very moment were making us so proud but who at times had driven us to tears and fits of ranting and raving; these children who forgot their lunches and their history reports; these children who sometimes disappointed us and sometimes amazed us with their wisdom; these children who had enriched our lives in so many ways.

The gratitude theme carried into the afternoon commencement exercises, where graduates' accomplishments were noted. There is no doubt the parents of these accomplished students were grateful for their child's recognition as was the school for the impact these students made on other students and the community.

Looking around the gym, bursting with family and friends of the graduates, I once again felt a sense of gratitude. This time is was for the opportunity to meet so many dedicated parents who took their job of raising their children so seriously. There were faces I knew well and faces that I could not name but recognized from their countless hours of volunteering at school events. As the children moved through school and made friends, so did the parents.

The auctions, dinners, fiestas and golf tournaments held to raise money for the school were an opportunity for the adults to forge new relationships. Those times when parents met at one house to take pictures of their children before a dance or prom were also social events for the parents, as were the times parents waited together at parent-teacher conferences.

The carpool lines that freshmen and sophomores endured, hoping their parents would not embarrass them, often ended up being a time of connection between parents and always offered the greatest source of information on what was happening at the school and with the students.

The trials of one family were shared by others. The death of one student's father caused other students to pause and reflect. The untimely deaths of students brought the campus together to mourn and learn in ways they will always remember.

Often over the past few weeks I have been asked the same questions a number of times: "How are you handling this? Isn't if hard having your last child graduate?"

Yes, it has taken time and energy to prepare for the graduation itself. There were announcements to send, parties to plan and food to prepare. Yes, it has required patience to deal with an 18-year-old who is a young man one day and still a child another. And yes, trying to keep the focus on final projects and exams has required special energy.

However, as each child moves on to a new phase in life, so does the parent. The hope is that each appreciates and embraces the new phase with gratitude for the past.

Anne Hansen is a parent education consultant and a parishioner at Blessed Junípero Serra Church, Camarillo. Her e-mail address is familymail@aol.com.