"If a way to the better there be, it lies in taking a full look at the worst."

---Thomas Hardy

When I first entered St. John's Seminary as a college student, I was excited about living with holy men focused on doing the will of God. I thought that I might "catch" some of the sanctity of these good men. The disillusionment process was swift and definitive!

What I discovered, to my great dismay, was that these men were as flawed as I was. They were, like me, a mixture of God's glory and grime. As time went on, I was forced to humbly take back my own naive projections on these very normal men.

In Matthew 5:48 we read, "You must therefore be perfect just as your heavenly Father is perfect." This injunction, taken out of context, can lead us into an attitude and lifestyle of perfectionism. Rather than seeking to lead a good and loving life, doing our own interior work, we are caught in the bind of trying to be perfect, which is impossible for perfection --- an impossible goal, since only God is perfect. The notion of perfectionism continues to flourish, however, through the familiar and consoling biblical image of the Good Shepherd.

The image of the Good Shepherd is, of course, linked with sheep. This symbiotic relationship has the potential for idealization or inflation on the part of the shepherd, and the potential for deflation or pedestalization of the lamb. The only way out of this dilemma is to step into the image, and through it, to a different and richer meaning.

In biblical tradition, the innocent lamb was sacrificed for a higher good, and the black sheep was destroyed for the common good. This still happens in our own time at a symbolical level.

In dealing with any image, even one as dear and sacred as this, we need to also acknowledge and confront its shadow side. Wherever there is great light, C.G. Jung observes, there lurks, close behind, an equally great shadow. The corruption of the best is the worst.

The problem with the shepherd image is that it has the potential to create dependent and co-dependent relationships within an hierarchical framework. Issues of power and control become primarily externalized, with little personal integration. The idealization of a particular shepherd can often lead to the debasing or negation of our own personhood or perspective. This can create an environment of uncritical thinking, even in highly intelligent people.

I would like to suggest that in these present days, our church is in a period of mourning --- a mourning for the loss of outdated images and ideals of priesthood and shepherding. This loss is occurring at the same time that society is struggling to move from an adolescent perspective and experience of conventional authority, to a more mature and integrated sense of power. This psychic shift is causing a tremendous upheaval in the way that people relate --- especially within the church.

We are both shepherd and sheep, often at the same time. Perhaps, as a church and as a society, we are facing a challenge to re-invigorate and re-energize the treasured and beloved shepherd image by honestly and fearlessly exploring the many and various aspects of this archetypal image and the behaviors it engenders. This will include looking forthrightly at the components of power, impotence, naiveté, sexuality and violence contained within this deceptively simple image.

The model of true perfection is Christ, the one who draws others to himself. The mature person knows that it is enough to shepherd oneself, for often the shepherd and the sheep are equally inept! True maturity is manifested in the manner in which we balance our inner power and authority with external structures and persons of power and authority. Perhaps we cannot shepherd others, only ourselves.

What one can do, however, is to share the insight and experiences that one receives from one's own inner work. The best we can do is model this shepherd image by compassionately caring for others, rather than taking care of them. An old Southern Baptist preacher put it this way: "Sometimes yah jes have to leave 'em where the Lord flung 'em!"

Historically, the shepherd is actually an image of imperfection, associated with thieving and violence. Perhaps the church and society need to humbly return to a spirituality of imperfection. It seems to me that this is already happening in many different ways through the cracks appearing in both institutions. If we are able to make this return, the good shepherds might once again remind us of our true heritage and belonging.

We are first, last and in all our relationships and dealings, beloved sons and daughters of the God whose call invites, but does not prescribe, the journey to the perfection that resides in God alone.

Father Jim Clarke is director of spiritual formation at St. John's Seminary in Camarillo, and chairperson of the Archdiocesan Spirituality Commission.

Editor's note: This column begins a six-part series addressing spiritual issues at the heart of the archdiocese. Prepared by the Archdiocesan Spirituality Commission, subsequent articles will examine loss in the face of scandal and tragedy, loss of trust in ecclesial authorities, growing through the process of grief, incorporating anger into prayer, and carrying a scandal biblically as a faith community.