"My deepest vocation," spiritual writer Henri Nouwen said, "is to be a witness to the glimpses of God I have been allowed to catch."

The writer, like many artists, tried to give voice to the mysteries of God's profound love, mercy and forgiveness for his beloved humanity.

Few contemporary issues are as sorrowful and as contentious as abortion, and when musician John Bonaduce set out to compose a prayer service to remember the unborn, he too tried to catch --- through music --- glimpses of God's voice and healing breath in this issue. Over ten years the prayer service developed into a Mass, which will be held at the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels Jan. 23 at 7:30 p.m.

The liturgy, named the Shantigarh Requiem for the Unborn, is a journey through Scripture. The very first words sung by a choir of more than 100 are from the Book of Wisdom: "Before the Lord, the whole universe is as a grain or a drop of morning dew. And though we are small his love is great, for he is Lord and lover of souls."

Bonaduce said those words struck him as a perfect memorial for the unborn.

"If the Lord can see us in a drop of morning dew, I invite the listener to see life in a single cell or in an unborn child. If God can make that reach, it's my hope that we can," he said.

The emotional center of the liturgy takes place after Communion when some 160 people will process with candles up to the altar. That number --- 160 --- represents the number of estimated abortions that will take place in Los Angeles on Jan. 23. Bonaduce settled on that figure based on data from the California Pro-Life Council.

The candles are lit in memory of "these little lives that were a part of our world when our sun rose and at setting are no longer with us," said Bonaduce. "It's only these candles to suggest they were ever here."

Through the music and the candles, he added, "I try to affect a musical and visual encounter with the spirits of the unborn, and to allow into people's hearts a sense of the presence of the unborn."

The Mass has a gentle touch, noted Cardinal Roger Mahony, who will celebrate the liturgy. He recently wrote about the need to make prayer the center of the pro-life movement.

"The only way we will ever solve this divisive issue [of abortion] is through conversion of hearts, and true conversion can only come through the work of the Spirit," Cardinal Mahony wrote to his brother priests. "And how do we reach the Spirit, but through prayer --- a safe and unthreatening activity. Indeed, that is the nature of this Requiem for the Unborn as it gently draws us to renew our own commitment to respect and defend each human life."

"Into my sorrow "
It's been more than 30 years since abortion became legal in the United States, and few people do not have some personal connection to the issue --- perhaps a sister who's had an abortion, a college roommate, daughter or co-worker.

Indeed Bonaduce, 51, acknowledges that the liturgy's music takes the congregation "deeper into my sorrow."

It was some 25 years ago that a friend approached a 20-something Bonaduce to help her. She needed money for an abortion. Bonaduce consented.

His friends reassured him he had done a noble thing, to assist a woman to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. Others told him it wasn't his place as a man to have any feelings about a woman's decision.

But his conscience weighed heavily on him. "I felt incredibly misled by the best people I knew," said Bonaduce.

He came back to the church because of this experience. "My guilt had a home," Bonaduce said quietly. "In church the people I met would agree I had done something wrong."

Eager to contribute to the pro-life movement, Bonaduce scanned the political landscape. He thought the issue had become too politicized, and women had become staunchly defensive about having laws imposed on them by a male-dominated legislature.

But he longed to find a new way to compassionately influence people's hearts on the issue, and began to see if he could through his musical gifts. That was when the idea for the prayer service began to take root.

Originally, Bonaduce tried to scrape together money for a composer. He couldn't. But at St. Bernardine of Siena Church in Woodland Hills, he directed a group of youth and young adult singers --- the Shantigarh choir --- and they were willing to rehearse his compositions before Mass.

"I had a sacred laboratory for five years," he said.

In time Bonaduce said his own heart and spirit has mended and he's experienced a profound sense of God's forgiveness.

"The Lord resolves," he said with wonder. "I'm one of the people who took that terrible step. But through God there is resolution and forgiveness. I stumble, but I'm always allowed to get back and join the procession."

Bonaduce marvels at God's grace and blessings in his life through the vocation of marriage and two beautiful children, and through his work directing the Shantigarh choir, directing music ministry at Our Lady of the Valley Church in Canoga Park, and teaching the choirs at Notre Dame High School in Sherman Oaks.

"We are forgiven and we can go on with our lives. It's handled, and it's one of the mysteries of God's mercy," he said.

Bonaduce's personal encounter with God's forgiveness and the hope of resurrection for the unborn is reflected in the music of the Requiem Mass as the liturgy begins its conclusion. The music glimpses what it might be like for the unborn to arrive in heaven.

"These beings are there in God's embrace. I feel that as a certainty," said Bonaduce. One day in heaven, he adds, those that lived on earth will appreciate the uniqueness of the unborn.

"Without sight or hearing, without those burdens," he said, "I feel that the unborn possess a singular consciousness of the presence of God and are in the presence of God."